12/16/08 – Chicago.
Yielding to pressure from conspiracy theorists, President-elect Barack Obama exposed his genitals to reporters yesterday at a press conference held to quash persistent rumors that he is, in fact, female. Previous assurances from Michelle Obama that he was “All man” had gone unheeded. While most in attendance agreed that the president-elect does indeed have a penis, the conspiracy theorists that had brought the charges were not convinced. “It’s obviously a prosthetic!” said conspiracy theorist and Fox News commentator Harold Crumm. Another theorist, Roger Johnson was likewise not convinced. “I was watching this on C-SPAN and all I saw was a blurry spot. This does nothing to convince me.”
Given the negative reaction by conspiracy theorists, an Obama spokesperson said today that the president-elect had canceled plans to show reporters his Birth Certificate, hospital records, social security card, and other documentation that the conspiracy theorists claimed would easily show him to be a natural born US citizen. Said the spokesperson, “We’ve been putting up with these baseless accusations for months. Most we’ve chalked up to crazy people, but President-elect Obama took strong offence to this new attack on his manhood. We were also going to take on the issue of his natural born US Citizenship, but if the word of public officials who legally have access to these documents isn’t good enough for them, there’s really no point in pursuing this further. As yesterday’s press conference proved, they’ll just say it’s a fake and continue to make wild accusations.”
I sat down with one conspiracy theorist this afternoon. “That’s not true at all. It would be very easy to dispel all these rumors. He just needs to show us his birth certificate and social security card and we would believe it,” said the man identified as Barack Obama Jr. after paying for our coffee with his credit card. “Why would he hesitate to show us this documentation? He obviously has something to hide!”
The Obama spokesperson responded, “After yesterday, I’d say no. No he doesn’t.”
2 responses so far ↓
1 Ted // Dec 17, 2008 at 5:19 am
EASY WAY TO MAKE SURE OBAMA NEVER GETS INAUGURATED (READ CAREFULLY):–
Since the Supreme Court has now prevented itself from acknowledging the question of whether Barack H. Obama is or is not an Article II “natural born citizen” based on the Kenyan/British citizenship of Barack Obama’s father at the time of his birth (irrespective of whether Barack Obama is deemed a “citizen” born in Hawaii or otherwise) as a prerequisite to qualifying to serve as President of the United States under the Constitution — the Court having done so three times and counting, first before the Nov 4 general election and twice before the Dec 15 vote of the College of Electors — it would seem appropriate, if not necessary, for all Executive Branch departments and agencies to secure advance formal advice from the United States Department of Justice Office of Legal Counsel as to how to respond to expected inquiries from federal employees who are pledged to “support and defend the Constitution of the United States” as to whether they are governed by laws, regulations, orders and directives issued under Mr. Obama during such periods that said employees, by the weight of existing legal authority and prior to a decision by the Supreme Court, believe in good faith that Mr. Obama is not an Article II “natural born citizen”.
2 admin // Dec 17, 2008 at 9:09 am
Oh for crying out loud. What you’re basically saying is anyone who works for the government, so long as they are able to convince themselves through tenuous leaps of logic that Obama was not born in the US, despite all the evidence that confirms he was, should be able to refuse to follow the executive orders of the President of the United States of America?
The evidence that Obama was naturally born in America is strong enough that to believe otherwise you’d have to believe that at the time of his birth, Obama’s parents thought he might one day be running for president (because no other office requires the “natural born” thing and citizenship as an American would always be an option for Obama since his mother was American regardless of where he was born so there’d be no other reason to hide his location of birth if it were outside the US.) Which means that a mixed race couple would have had to believe their newborn son might one day be president… in the ’60s. The reason these lawsuits are being thrown out by the Supreme Court are because they’re baseless, or at best based on conjecture and speculation.
If you don’t like the newly elected president, that’s fine. You can spend the next 4-8 years bitching about it like the liberals did with Bush. It’s a long-held American tradition! But please keep the wild theories to a minimum. It makes you sound crazy.
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